Everyday is a struggle

Being 14 and seeing so much in the world is not the best thing to happen. Could you imagine watching your teen years just fly by and your not even doing anything like a regular teen, your not out enjoying being a teen.
Well i can imagine because im just that, Waking up everyday having your past life haunt you is not fun actually its pretty scary. I'm gonna tell you a story about something that i dont shar with many people I'm begining to just get over it all and its taken me 3 years. My past life is nothing you ever wanna brag about it, But when i get older i want to write a book about everything that happened to me and how to manage to make it through your life without being so down on yourself.
When i was 14 I was Muliested, This happened in August 2006 over and over again till September. The guy who did this muniplulated me, he made me feel safe and wanted, Now that i look back on it i know it wasn't my fault he got inside my head said things i wanted to hear and for being so young i fell for it all. Then i was threatened and told if i ever tell my mom that she would end up killing herself beause she would go int o a deep deep depression. There for i had no idea what to do for 4 months i kept it from my mom thanks to her Well now ex husband, if he would of never told me my mom was going to go into a deep depression i would of told her. But no he told me Don't do it you dont want your mom to kill herself because of it do you? and i would just cry and cry. He eventually gave it away to my mom, that day i will never forget I watched my mom beat herself up over it i watched her collapse to the floor balling her eyes out. The next day i had Detectives at my house asking me questions well this was so hard to tell them, they wanted to know what he looked like, his phone number, screen name on aim, and all this stuff that i was just trying to forget about. Of course my mom's ex husband was there trying to act like my father which he really is not even my father he was a step dad. I slowly was trying to move on with my life after sitting there talkin to the detectives and them taking my computer and taking like everything.. It was horrible a nightmare i tell you.
being 14 and trying to get over what happened was really hard i would have nightmares that he was coming after me to kill me for telling the police what he did. I was so scared i couldnt even sleep, if i did sleep it was because i cried myself to sleep.
At this point i was 15 my birthday was in September, About a couple months later my mom's now ex husband tried to do the samething, He was asking me strange questions such as do you know how to give a BJ or a HJ and i said "whats it to you, your suppose to be like my father why would i tell you?" He said to me" Because I'm suppose to also be your best friend you can tell me anything" I didn't know what to say, i was shocked that he was going to sit here and try. I got wise about it and i just sat there and he kept asking "so do you?" and i still just sat there pressing my body up against the door crying i just want to go home just take me home. He said to me "well i can show you but that would mean you would have to do it on me you just couldnt tell your mom" At this point i just wanted to go home all i could think about was if he leaned over to touch me i was jumping out the door i was not about to go through that all over again. I had been dating this guy for 6 months, and we were talkin about everything that had happened to me and he asked me if My step dad had ever tried anything at first i had told him no but that was a lie and he knew it was so i told him everything that happened and made me tell my mom but i cried and told him pleaase dont make me tell her i dont think she will believe me, He said "sweetie For everything that has happened to you I'm pretty sure your mom is going to listen to, just get on my myspace and act like your me and send a message to your mom" So i did just that, not even a min later i get a phone call from my mom(she was at work) and she asked me if that was all true and i told her yes it was and that im very sorry, she said "dont be sorry its not your fault You didn't do any of this our relationship was already falling apart. She had asked me for the detectives number i thought to myself dear lord here we go again more detectives They never did do anything to get him.
About 2 years later they finally Procecuded The other guy who had muliested me, although it wasn't what i had asked for them to give him. He got away with everything he only got probation No jail time what so ever, no nothing. He basically got a slap on the wirst and was told Dont do it again.

Tags & Keywords : Hope